Leslie Nielsen was an iconic comedian and actor, known for his deadpan delivery and wry sense of humor. His iconic quotes, often delivered in his trademark deadpan style, were often self-deprecating, but always hilarious. From his classic Airplane! line, “Don’t call me Shirley,” to his more recent appearances in the Naked Gun series, Nielsen’s quotes have become some of the most quoted lines in movie history. His signature wit, silly puns, and absurdist humor have provided an endless source of laughs and entertainment.
62 Best Leslie Neilson Quotes
-
“I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, make them.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“If God had intended us not to play games, he wouldn’t have given us brains.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“I don’t think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“Life is like a box of chocolates – it’s full of nuts.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“The reason they call it ‘golf’ is that all the other four-letter words were taken.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“I never said most of the things I said.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“I know that there are people in the world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that!”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader’s Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set up, I was done.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“The only way you can make a man trustworthy is to trust him.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“I love fly fishing. I think it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. I love it even though I don’t know how to do it.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“You can’t fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“I don’t mind going nowhere as long as it’s an interesting path.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“If you’re doing your best, you won’t have any time to worry about failure.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“If you don’t make mistakes, you’re not working on hard enough problems.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room!”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“There’s something wrong when a mother has to scare her kids to get them to do their chores.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“The most important thing in life is to stop saying ‘I wish’ and start saying ‘I will.’ Consider nothing impossible, then treat possibilities as probabilities.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and then make a change.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“You can’t have everything…where would you put it?”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“If you don’t turn your life into a story, you just become a part of someone else’s story.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“If you want to succeed you should strike out on new paths, rather than travel the worn paths of accepted success.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“If you don’t like the road you’re walking, start paving another one.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“If you can’t fix it, feature it.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“I don’t think the intelligence reports are all that hot. Some days I get more out of the New York Times.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“Life is one big obstacle course.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“I’ve always been interested in people who make mistakes and then make more mistakes trying to cover them up.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“There’s an old saying that says something like ‘If you don’t have anything nice to say, you’re probably speaking the truth.’”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“You can’t please all the people all the time, but you can sure try.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“The most important thing is to enjoy your life — to be happy — it’s all that matters.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“Imitation is the sincerest form of television.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“I’m going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“I’m not a real movie star. I’ve still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“If you’re not failing now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.”
– Leslie Neilson
-
“If you want to receive, you must give.”
– Leslie Neilson
Conclusion
In conclusion, Leslie Nielsen was an incredibly talented actor and comedian, who was known for his quick wit and dry humor. His most famous quotes are now immortalized in pop-culture, and serve as a reminder of his legacy. Leslie Nielsen was an icon of comedy, and will be remembered for generations to come.
